Paperwork. Every SEND parent’s favourite thing. NOT!
Endless pages of assessments that never really become easier. The joys of having to answer ‘No’ to question after question about everyday skills that any unaffected five-year-old could do with ease.
When Pudding first entered the clinical trial his DQ (development quotient) score was 56 (so 56% of what another child his age would get). That put his abilities at around half his actual age. Two years later I don’t know what it would be now. He’s nearly six and I often describe him as functioning like a two year old, but although that’s true in some respects it is way off in others.
The last few weeks I’ve been filling in information for the Imagine ID project. This large-scale study aims to collect data from families on how genetic conditions affect development in children. I’m not complaining really, because it is something I have chosen to do – research is important. But I must admit it doesn’t always put me in the best of moods having to face up to the realities of Pudding’s abilities.
Some of it was pretty straight-forward – other questions not so much. For instance, it’s pretty difficult answering a question like ‘Does he blurt out answers in class more or less than other children his age?’ when he is non-verbal! And I’m not quite sure it’s worth getting him to do the ‘fun drawing task’ as it will just be a scribble.
And then we have also had the review meeting for Pudding’s EHCP (Education and Health Care Plan). This is a document that sets down what a child needs to have put in place to help them succeed at school. It is certainly more positive than some forms (yes, DLA form, I’m looking at you!) as it looks at what he has achieved alongside setting targets for the next year. For instance, this time we were able to put a tick next to ‘Can take his coat off’!
But again, it can be a bit brutal facing reality. The educational psychologist had been in to assess him and I was asked for permission to change the way Pudding is described from ‘moderate learning difficulty’ to ‘severe learning difficulty’. The teachers did apologise when asking this, as they were concerned about how I would feel. Looking at the descriptions though, I know it makes sense. When Pudding was first diagnosed he was at playgroup and his differences weren’t quite so obvious. As time goes on, he is progressing but at a far slower rate than his peers, and that gap is widening and widening. So that’s another label he’s acquired.
And on Tuesday it’s our next trip to Manchester with …guess what… the psychological assessments again!
But of course, none of these assessments will ever truly give a picture of Pudding is like. They can tell someone that he is non-verbal, prone to violent outbursts or that his DQ is hitting new depths. But they can’t tell anyone how gorgeous his smile is. Or how he does a funny little dance when he’s excited. Or how much we love him.
Which is why I’m getting better at looking past those forms and reports. And instead I keep in my mind pictures and memories like this morning when T went upstairs to get Pudding up. I watched on the monitor as my big boy sat on his brother’s pillow and gently stroked his head, telling him that he’d put his cereal out ready. I watched him bend down and kiss Pudding and help him turn the duvet down. And I knew that these little moments are what life is really about.
(If you enjoy reading about Pudding and don’t want to miss out on any updates you can subscribe to get new posts direct to your email. Just go to the ‘Subscribe’ section in the right-hand sidebar.)