Last year in February, the month of love, I wrote a post and quoted a Wet Wet Wet song ‘Love is all around me’. I read it again recently and I’ll be honest, I had a lump in my throat.
The love and support I’ve had from those around me have made so much difference since Pudding’s diagnosis. Without those family, friends and professionals who care for us in a variety of ways, I’m not sure I could have coped. (There are still times I don’t cope so well but that’s another story.)
This year I’ve been thinking more about the contrasts of love. Leaving Hubby out of it, the two great loves of my life are my boys. (Oh, and chocolate, mustn’t forget chocolate.) Yet, the love I feel them is not the same.
I look at T with pride and awe at his imagination, his bright mind and classic looks. I marvel at his growing independence and get so much enjoyment at sharing my old favourites and new experiences with him. My heart swells and I think it can’t be possible to love anyone as much as this.
And then I turn to Pudding who has MPS written all over his face and I melt all over again. Yes, I feel pride at every little achievement he makes, steps that would be easy for most other children but that are hard won for him. But my love for him is both softer and fiercer. I want to wrap him in my arms and protect him from the world. His chuckle can turn around a grey day and an unexpected kiss from him is worth a million dollars.
Sometimes after making me angry T has told me I love his brother more than him, and maybe other people think that is the case too. I don’t think it’s true – yes, I lose my temper with T and in the heat of the moment may not always like him. But I still love him. And with Pudding my feelings can be just as complicated by irritation and fear and sometimes boredom. My love for them is never in question – equal but vastly different. And when I catch them for a brief moment snuggled side by side on the sofa my world is complete. To quote this time from a musical I love – Blood Brothers – ‘They’re a pair, they go together.’
So, two Valentines this year for me. Well, ok Hubby, maybe three…